How Not to Write Your Novel: Human Target

Comic book characters have been having a very good run lately, and Human Target rides the wave handily. Mark Valley (and his jaw) play Christopher Chance, a man with a nefarious past seeking redemption. I have to say, it seems to be a fruitful collaboration – Valley (and his jaw) look like they could have […] […]

Moved at last. MOVED AT LAST! Thank Dog Almighty, we are moved at last!

That’s right, my pretties. I, your humble correspondent, and all the wise folk here at Cat Vacuuming have FINALLY finished the moving!! Let me tell you, the move was fraught with peril. Rife with hardship! And simply awash in cardboard boxes and packing tape. Why, it was all I could do to sit in my […] […]

How Not To Write Your Novel: Moving

I think I may have hit on something here – a sort of magic bullet for use against the impending Bad End of finishing a novel. As you may have gathered from the title (You’re bright kitties, aren’t you?) MOVING is it. And I don’t mean, you know, leaning back and forth from one butt […] […]

How Not to Write Your Novel: Chatroulette... ahhh, on second thought...

So I heard a story about this new(ish) site on the web called NOW BE CAREFUL IF YOU CLICK THAT LINK!! See, Chatroulette is this new… hmmm… game. Yeah – let’s call it a ‘game’. In this game you click a button and are magically connected to some stranger with a webcam who happens […] […]

How Not to Write Your Novel: Piracy

The other day I had this feeling. And as I felt this feeling I said to myself, “Self? What IS this feeling?” “That feeling is writing,” I said. “Oh right! I remember,” I said to me. “It feels good! Maybe I should go and do some.” “Ignore it. It’s a lie. The cake is a […] […]

How Not to Write Your Novel: Zombies

I know what you’re thinking: Zombies, Brett? Really? I know it’s not fashionable to believe in zombies these days, but how are they any less real than the other things you spend your time doing instead of writing? Pursuing physical fitness? Come on – who are you trying to fool? Learning Chinese? Seriously – who […] […]

How Not to Write Your Novel: Being Ill

Hello, my pretties! In today’s lesson we’re going to discuss how to make the most of minor illnesses in the pursuit of not pursuing your writing career. LISTEN CAREFULLY! It may seem like a straightforward thing but don’t be fooled! Using personal sickness to avoid writing is more complicated than you might think. First of […] […]


We here at Cat Vacuuming are DETERMINED to help you, dear reader, avoid writing that novel you’ve been prattling on about for so long. We have only your best interests at heart. We’re here for you. And there for you. Sadly, we can’t be EVERYWHERE for you, but we try! To that end, I’m here […] […]

SUPERfluousBOWL, the Sequel

This is interactive media, right? So how’s about some interaction! In the comments, tell me what your favorite Super Bowl commercial is. Give me a link. Give me hope. GIVE ME A WAY TO AVOID WRITING JUST A LITTLE LONGER! ’cause that’s what we do, my pretties. That’s what we do. […]

The SUPERfluousBOWL!

Is it just me or has the bloom come off the rose a little bit? It could just be a slow year, God knows there’s reason enough for that. Who’s got money to spend on top-notch advertising? (Well it’s not Toyota just now, is it?) Whatever the reason, it feels to me like some kind […] […]