I’m afraid I have an admission to make. Please – sit down before you read this. It shames me to say it. It breaks my heart to even think of it! But I feel I must tell you, my faithful readers. I owe it to you. You deserve the truth.
You see… I’ve been writing.
I know! HOW COULD I?! Who better knows the perils and pitfalls of writing than me? Wasn’t it me that built this space, this sanctuary for the recovering writers of the world? Wasn’t it me that wrote so many times against the dangers of novels and the writing thereof? Who was it but me that took on the burden of finding and providing the means for all of us to avoid that most ignominious of fates: becoming a novelist??
‘Lo, how the mighty have fallen.
I have no excuse. I was weak! It started as nothing! I went to bed one night and lay there steadfastly avoiding thoughts of my novel, doing my level best to simply go to sleep and put such things behind me, and then the epiphany hit me. (BLAST YOU, DIVINE MUSE! WHY MUST YOU TEMPT ME SO?!) And then it was that same old story: I thought to myself, ‘Self? What could it hurt to just write one page? Really. What’s a couple hundred words in the face of the thousands you’d have to write to finish that thing?’ After that it was all over.
One page became two. Two became four, and before I knew it, I’d gone and resolved one of the scenes that has so kindly blocked me from proceeding. CURSE YOU, PLOT KNOT! WHY MUST I UNTANGLE YOU!!
I am weak, dear readers. WEAK! I beg of you, do not go down this road. Please! Take pity. Take heed! Pray for me, my friends. Pray to whatever gods, saints, giant spaghetti monsters or galactic super beings you hold dear. I am at your mercy, for not only have I fallen from the grace I have enjoyed these past few years, but I have lost my way at the most dangerous time of the year!
Oh, you must know of what I speak – It’s nearly NOVEMBER! And we all know what that means…
That’s right – soon, hundreds… thousands! Perhaps millions of poor, sad fools will endanger themselves once again with the words ‘It’s just a month… what could it hurt?’
How can they be so cavalier! A novel! Written in just 30 days!! What could BE more dangerous than that?! Hopes raised… fears allayed… CHAOS AND DAMNATION I TELL YOU! For every mad writer that succeeds there are a dozen more that will hear the tale and think, ‘Huh – well if they can do that, why can’t I?’
WOE! WOE AND HORROR!
Do not give in, good readers! Do not be drawn in by the temptations of ‘community’ and ‘industry’ and ‘fun’! It is madness given digital form. Writing a novel in 30 days… Why even speaking the words makes me faint with incredulity and fear!
And yet…
What could it hurt?
Forgive me, my dear readers. And whatever you do…
DON’T WRITE
Oh you poor blighter. Godspeed. 😉