It’s that time again, kiddies! The time when the federal government lines everybody up and counts heads. Gotta make sure the stormtroopers have enough bullets when the revolution comes, you know!
All kidding aside, there’s a lot of weird misinformation and outright kooky paranoia going around right now about the Census. We here at Cat Vacuuming despise ignorance and misinformation! (At least insofar as the elimination of such helps us waste a few hours we would otherwise spend writing…) And, as you all know, we’re here to help! So, to that end, let’s clear a few things up, shall we?
- Why do we have to have a Census at all?
Well, Pinky, we live in what’s called a representative democracy. That means we elect people to represent us in the government rather than in a direct democracy where EVERYBODY has to vote on EVERYTHING. (We’ll assume you see the problem with the latter approach when governing a nation of around 300 million people spread out over more than 3.5 million square miles. You’re smart cookies.)
At present, the number of seats in the House of Representatives is fixed at 435 and each state’s apportionment of seats is determined by that state’s population (in relation to the population of the other states), as determined by the decennial (that means ‘every ten years’) enumeration of the People – also known as the Census! So the government needs to know how many people live in each State so it can decide how many representatives they’re entitled to, and the more representatives your state has, the more say your state has in the governance of the country!
- The Constitution doesn’t say anything about a Census. This is an unconstitutional invasion of my privacy!
Well you’re right about one thing: The Constitution doesn’t use the word census. Instead it refers to the ‘Enumeration’. Census is just a word that refers to a count of a state or nation’s population:
CensusPronunciation: \ˈsen(t)-səs\Function: nounEtymology: Latin, from censēreDate: 16341 : a count of the population and a property evaluation in early Rome2 : a usually complete enumeration of a population; specifically : a periodic governmental enumeration of population
- Why do you ask all this crap? The Constitution says I only have to tell you that someone lives here.
(Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.) (The previous sentence in parentheses was modified by the 14th Amendment, section 2.) The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three.
- You commie bastards are just assembling a hit list so you can track me down and poop on my rights!
- They’re wasting taxpayers’ time and money sending people out to homes to take the Census!
- That Census guy is CUTE! Can he come over and count ME? I could really get into a little In-Depth Enumeration *nudgenudgewinkwink* Know what I mean?
Sorry, Charlie – Cougars aren’t among the list of candidates for enumeration this time around. Call your congressman. (They’re always up for a little funky filibuster…)
dang it! you need a “like” button for us lazy schmucks who don’t know why we have to go beyond our lazy mindless clicking. For god sake man! you;re making me move my fingers and I’m not at work!!
Well there’s a SHARE button there…
And you should try the whole moving fingers thing a little more often. It can be a whole LOTTA fun!
So, are you done with this?
On the Census work? Yup. It lasted just three weeks, plus a week for training. Interesting stuff, though. And I heard some pretty irritating things afterward about some of my coworkers. Really heinous breaches of regulations and things.