Late Night: A Conversation (Or why I won't watch Jay Leno)

JAY: <rings doorbell>


JAY: Huh. Never heard one actually SAY -ding- -dong- before. Weird. Is that weird? It’s weird, isn’t it?

FX: door opens

CONAN: (dejected) Jay. Hey… how’s it going.

JAY: Oh ahh, well it’s going great, buddy! Hey, ahh… I heard about your divorce. Sorry to hear it.

CONAN: Yeah. Thanks, I…

JAY: Yeah, real shame that. Real shame. I mean seriously, you know?

CONAN: Yeah. I don’t know what happened, really. I don’t really feel like she gave it a chance.

JAY: No? No… Well, you know.

CONAN: …it’s only been six months…

JAY: Seven.

CONAN: What?

JAY: Months, ahh… seven months. But hey – You win some you lose some, right? Real shame, it is. I’m tellin’ ya.

CONAN: I suppose so.

JAY: Well, I wanted to tell you I’m here for ya, buddy. I’m here for ya.

CONAN: Hey, thanks man. I apprecia… hey, wait a minute. Is that my wife?

JAY: Hmm? What? YOUR wife? Where?

CONAN: Right there… going into your place.

JAY: Oh… ahh. Yeah. Well, you know we dated before you two got together.

CONAN: I know. But you broke up, Jay. Remember? It was all agreed.

JAY: Sure… sure…

CONAN: …and she married ME, remember?

JAY: (nodding) Yep. Yep.

CONAN: And now what?? She’s moving in with you?

JAY: Well, ahhh. Yeah. Yep. That’s about it. Ahh – she did say maybe she could come over here afterwards, you know. When I’m done. Say… 12:05?

CONAN: After just six months?! Jesus, Jay…

JAY: It was seven…

CONAN: I can’t believe this!

JAY: Well, uhh. You know – she still wants you in there. She just wants me in there first. You know? I mean – what could I do? She asked me.


JAY: (shrugging) I always did love her time slot…

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