How Not to Write Your Novel: Chatroulette... ahhh, on second thought...

So I heard a story about this new(ish) site on the web called NOW BE CAREFUL IF YOU CLICK THAT LINK!!

See, Chatroulette is this new… hmmm… game. Yeah – let’s call it a ‘game’. In this game you click a button and are magically connected to some stranger with a webcam who happens to be playing too…

You see where this is going?

If you’re fairminded at all, you’ve got your own webcam enabled, so this stranger can see you and you can see… oh, let’s just say for the sake of argument HIM.

What do YOU think would happen? I’ll wait while you sort it out…

No I won’t – what point is there in having a blog if I don’t get to answer my own questions?

I’ll tell you what happens, or rather what HAPPENED when I tried it out. The first time I tried it I clicked four times. Ostensibly, that means I get connected to four different strangers. Two of those clicks yielded nothing but a blank, black view and a quick ‘Partner has disconnected’ message. The other two were: #1- A guy (naked from the waist down) busily flogging the bishop and #2 – A guy fondling a pair of oranges he’d stuffed in his t-shirt.

(I will note for EVERYONE’S edification that I was fully clothed and I swear on all that is holy there was no clergy-abuse perpetrated in MY house this day.)

(That said, I can’t really speak for the family produce.)

Rest assured, I was -prepared- for weird. I was ready for freaks. You have to be, really… I mean just logging on to the internet at all you have to steel yourself for SOMETHING weird. It’s inevitable! But TWO out of FOUR tries?? Come on!

I have to say, though – it didn’t BOTHER me, exactly. I did log off. I figured after one willy and two molested fruits, the luck I had just then wasn’t something I wanted to press any further. But it made me wonder what the hell the thought process is behind that… PARTICULARLY the guy stroking pole! Honestly, dude… Just how many women do you expect to see sitting there naked. You’re far more likely to see guys like YOU than women interested in watching you tug cod.

And of course it could be that it was the guys like him he was there to see, but I find it unlikely… Something like 1 in 10 adults is homosexual, and half of them are women (give or take, dude – you want scientific rigor, try a site that DOESN’T suggest pneumatic feline hygiene maintenance as  a means to enhance… well, anything really).

I mean – you just have to do the MATH, man… Consider – how many clicks is it going to take to find the magic formula, hooking up with random strangers? Compare that to the number of clicks it takes to get to the same magic formula if you start out by typing and then ‘Fodder for a Proper Wank’. SERIOUSLY – you’re ON the INTERNET!! Haven’t you heard? The Internet is FOR PORN!

And it occurs to me, too, that maybe it’s not the seeing, but the being seen that dudes like Captain Jack Fapper get off on. If so… well, I guess it’s better than having him stand outside the mall pulling porky in his raincoat.

Anyway – as Cat Vacuuming goes, I’d have to say is a bust (despite the sad lack of them on display). Unless, of course, you LIKE watching strange men choking Kojak. For me, though – I think I’m better off writing.

Good night, my pretties. Sleep well. And whatever you do…


4 comments to How Not to Write Your Novel: Chatroulette… ahhh, on second thought…

  • Jen

    I want to thank you personally for taking one for the team in re: Chatroulette. I’d heard of it on Twitter but was, frankly, terrified. And now I know I was right to be. I shall continue to avoid it like the plague!

  • BWRS

    I see the willies so you don’t have to…

  • Maria

    I had that experience at the mall — a flash of ass and balls, a moment of surprise and a money shot that not one of us teenaged girls were willing to clean off the dressing room wall. No matter how much our boss threatened to fire us….

  • BWRS


Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>